Who’s That Girl

IMG_4344Recently in the mirror I started noticing something about my face. Mainly that it wasn’t what it used to be, beauty-wise, and specifically that it looked tired.

At first I thought it was simply a matter of staying up too late binge watching Scandal on Netflix, even though it’s turning into musical beds just like my mom always said Falcon Crest did in 1983.

I started making an effort to go to bed earlier and eat more salmon, but still my face looked the same. Eventually it dawned on me that what I was dealing with was less an issue of fatigue and more an issue of this is what I look like now that I’m almost forty-two.

In the next instant I realized that I was just going to keep on looking more and more tired until eventually one day I would die.

The fact of mortality didn’t alarm me nearly as much as the idea of a permanent double chin. It’s one thing to know that you’re going to get older, another entirely to see it manifest on your face.

I don’t really want to look young forever – that would be weird. One day I would like my appearance to belie the wisdom I hope to have gained within, or at least give me free license to shush people loudly.

Still, the realization that time truly marches on is daunting. Not only because we are vain, but because every new wrinkle removes us farther from the age at which we believed that we could do or be anything we wanted.

Despite having written a blog post about it, I’m not actually that depressed about looking older. I mean, I wish I looked better than I do first thing in the morning, around noon, at dinnertime and also right before bed, but I count myself lucky that I don’t have more pressing concerns.

I guess I’m just sort of surprised that it really happens – that one day you literally wake up and the person you see in the mirror does not match up with the person you percieve yourself to be.

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3 thoughts on “Who’s That Girl

  1. Kat

    HA! Oh, this is so perfect. Just this morning as I was in a store I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. I thought, “woah! that doesn’t look like me!” and then my next thought was, “well, I guess it is.” Permanently. I looked tired too. And older than I thought I looked. I feel much the same as you do about it. Not necessarily sad but maybe not pleased. ;)
    It reminds me of a line from Steel Magnolias. “Honey, time marches on, and eventually you realize it’s marchin’ across your face.”

  2. Jan

    My mother, in her seventies, used to say she felt 17 inside and was shocked when she caught sight of herself inadvertently in a store window reflection or so.

  3. Audra

    I hear ‘ya. 42 over here, too, and those lines are starting to crop up and not disappear when I stop frowning about the lines on my face.

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