The Hidden Hazards of Housewifery

I hate it when people assume I have it easy as a homemaker. Because just this morning, I got hit by a motorized scooter at the grocery store.

I should have known the little old lady with the tight perm and polyester pant suit was trouble when I saw her weaving in and out of lanes in produce. I should have kept my distance, but I had other things on my mind. Things like, “How can I tell if this eggplant is ripe?” and “Did my son really just put a twist tie in his left nostril?”

It happened while I was in the freezer section. One minute I’m trying to decide between Butter Pecan and Mint Chocolate Chip, the next I’m pinned between the freezer door and my own organic produce and Greek yogurt-laden grocery cart by a limited mobility vehicle.

After she figured out how to remove her foot from the gas pedal, the driver was very apologetic.

“I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” she croaked as I extricated myself from the wreckage. But thanks to an extra layer of abdominal padding I wear as a proud badge of having survived two pregnancies, I was no worse for the wear. I could think of only one thing as scooter lady put her cart into reverse and began navigating a three-point turn: my little son, Jonas. Last I’d seen him, he was standing a few feet away from me and nibbling on a  cookie.

“Watch out!” I warned him.

But he was way ahead of me, and had been spared. “I saw her coming,” he said. This from a kid who normally looks both ways only after he’s darted headlong into traffic.

The grocery store is not the only place where hidden dangers lurk. Many times have I become light-headed after breathing shower cleaner fumes in an unventilated bathroom, and not a day goes by when I’m not impaled by an errant Lego. I’ve pulled my back hefting a fifty pound bag of play sand from my car to the backyard, fallen off the counter whilst trying to change a light bulb, and somehow given my own self an electric shock just by flipping the switch on the garbage disposal. I’ve watched in amazement as things have caught fire inside my oven and once, when the P-Dawg was working late, I had to kill a spider.

Maybe I’m in the wrong profession.

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5 thoughts on “The Hidden Hazards of Housewifery

  1. Cheri @ Blog This Mom!

    Oh my! Laura got mowed down by a personal mobility scooter at Disneyland. The lady flattened her and kept going. A Disneyland cast member (what? that’s what they’re called) saw the whole thing and offered Laura a free treat at the nearby bakery. Baked goods in lieu of a cash settlement for pain and suffering? Hmm. Anyway, this post wasn’t about mobility scooters, it was about the dangers of housewifery. About that, I was rear-ended by a lady who was texting while driving. Driving her shopping cart. I was standing in line waiting for my turn at the cash register. She was texting and ran smack into me with her cart. She didn’t look up. I said, “Hey! You just ran into me! Texting and driving is dangerous!” She looked up and apologized. And then went back to her texting. And driving. I moved to the side so she couldn’t hit me again. In conclusion, you are correct, housewifery is dangerous.


  2. Marta

    The answer is always mint chocolate chip.

    You are liked.

    This is a very dangerous job. We can’t forget that we’ve survived the days of dodging explosive poops and projectile spit up.

  3. Becca

    I set a dish towel on fire today. One of the good ones. It was a real shame.

    And right now I am watering the back yard while my husband is out of the house because I know he would not approve of my sprinkler placement (It shouldn’t be hitting the back door and watering the whole porch, he would say!).

    Danger and intrigue, there you have it!

  4. Fernanda Martins

    OMG! Be careful always, especially that our loved ones are there. God bless. :)


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