Over Thanksgiving dinner with the family, I made a very important announcement.
“I will be making all y’all homemade Christmas gifts this year.”
The conversation immediately ceased. Forks were suspended in mid-air and silence reined in the dining room.
“Yeah, I’m a crafter now,” I explained to my peeps. “That means someone who does crafts.”
“I do remember you posting something about cutting and gluing awhile back,” my mother-in-law offered.
“That was child’s play,” I said. “I’ve graduated to actually sewing stuff together using a needle and thread.”
“That’s wonderful, Rima!” my mother exclaimed. She’s always been my number one fan, and she’s been pushing for simple, grassroots Christmases for years.
Just to prove how serious I was, I explained that I’d made one test craft gift already, a present for a friend’s newborn.
“What did you make?” the family wanted to know.
“A teething ring,” I said.
“That’s interesting,” my mother mused. “And you sewed it, you said?”
“Yeah, I sewed up a tube out of some fabric scraps and stuffed a bunch of wooden beads in it separated by knots. And I sealed the whole shebang off with some hot glue, which has hopefully cooled off by now.”
“Did you say, ‘wooden beads’?”
“Yeah, all sewed up inside some fabric with a big old bow I hot glued to seal it shut.”
“And the baby sucks on the fabric with the beads in it?” my aunt needed some clarification.
“That’s kind of gross.”
“Not to mention a choking hazard.”
All of a sudden I started feeling kind of bad about my handmade teething ring. I guessed it was probably not the optimal choice for a first attempt at a sewing craft, what with it being a potential choking hazard and all. My mother was still being pretty supportive about it, but I noticed that other people in the room – such as one of the Brothers-In-Dawg – was snickering over his digestif.
“You know what?” I said. “Forget it. As soon as my friend opens the package – which by the way I handcrafted – I’m going to intercept her and throw that stupid teething ring in the trash!”
“You wrapped it up already?” somebody asked. “Like you were actually going to give it to her?”
“Well, yeah. But forget it. I’m just going to rip that teething ring right out of my friend’s hands when she opens the package and throw it out!”
“Well, wait a minute, now, Rima,” someone offered. “You don’t have to throw it out.”
“Yeah, just tell the mom it’s a hood ornament.”
Well. I ended up gifting that teething ring, after all, but I told my friend that under no circumstances should she ever give it to her child. “It’s kind of a choking hazard,” I said.
She seemed to understand.
But I’m not giving up. I already made my friend V her handmade Christmas gift, and gifts for all Jonas’ teachers’, too. I also made a funky little flower pin which Twitter confirmed looks vaguely communistic (you can see it on my sidebar), so clearly no one will be getting that. I’ve been AWOL in blogland because what I do now is just wander up and down the aisles at Jo-Ann’s crafts, stalking the other crafter ladies to see what they have in their carts.
I would share some of my creations here with you, but they’re gifts, so it’s a surprise.
But just remember, family, when you open your Christmas gifts this year: It’s the thought that counts.Subscribe to the blog. (It's free!)