At the Supermarket

“Listen up kids! We’re just going to grab a couple things really quick, so please stay focused and walk next to me at all times, got it?”



“Because there are no more race carts left.”

“That one has a bum wheel.”

“I just know.”

“You guys! What did I just say? Walk with me.”

“Watch where you’re going, Jonas.”

(“Sorry Ma’am.”)

“V-meister, would you like to pick out a bunch of bananas?”

“Not that one.”

“Okay, let’s keep moving forward, you guys!”

“Is it on our list?”

“Then no.”



“Maybe.  If you’re good.”

“Where is your brother?”

“Jonas, come over here please right now.”

“Stop shoving her! You shove her one more time, you’re going in the cart.”

“This way!”

“What are you putting in your mouth??”

“Oh. Well put it in your pocket. And when you get home flush it down the toilet.”

“Watch where you’re going.”

(“Sorry, Ma’am.”)

“We’re almost done! Just a few more things!”

“Is it on our list?”




“Don’t lick that! Jeezus, what are you doing???”


“Because Go-Gurt isn’t real food.”



“You already had a cookie today.”


“Watch your fingers!”

“Where are you going? WALK NEXT TO ME, PLEASE.”

“Is it on our list?”




“Okay, but not that flavor. Pick one that’s found in nature.”

“Because it’s full of high fructose corn syrup.”

“No, it’s really not like a vegetable.”

“Where is your brother?”


“Yes, I see that.”


“Because it’s not on our list.”

“We’re really almost done. Just one more thing.”

“Where is your brother?”


“Okay, you can push the cart.”


(“Sorry, sir.”)

“No, that line is self check-out.”

“Because I said.”


“What did you just put in your pocket?”

“Never, ever, ever do that again. That’s very bad. You could get thrown in jail.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. You won’t get thrown in jail. But I might.”

“We have gum at home. I’ll give you some later.”

“Don’t put your fingers there!!! Do you want to become an amputee?”

“Yes, they are very well behaved.”

“Four and seven.”

“Thank you.”


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16 thoughts on “At the Supermarket

  1. Kelly Heathen

    Hahhaahahahahahahahaha…. it hurts.

    My daughter is not to be trusted in the self check out line. She CANNOT refrain from putting her weight on the bagging carousel. She is inexplicably drawn to it! I am sure the folks at Kroger think I am stealing things.

  2. Kat

    HAHA!!! That is just perfect! The ending is perfect! I love how I always feel my kids are crazy and then people compliment them on how well they behaved. HA!

  3. alejna

    This is perfect.

    A woman from my grad program recently commented, after I explained how I hadn’t made much progress in my research for the last 2 months due to the ridiculously large number of holidays, sick days, snow days, and many other days that involved the kids being home from daycare & preschool, “But at least you’ve had lots of time to relax.” I think it goes without saying that she does not have, nor has she ever had much experience with, small children. Perhaps if I gave her this post as reading material, she might re-evaluate her understanding of how relaxing it is to spend time with one’s small children.

  4. kakaty

    Don’t lick that! Jeezus, what are you doing???
    – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that. Glad to know i”m not alone

  5. amy

    Yep been there done that…now I check them in at Eagles nest for my sanity.
    Watch were you are going please….

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